Saturday, September 27, 2008

This sucks.

I hate this. I wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy.

I feel like a failure as a wife and as a mother.

My body failed me.

I'm so sorry, Buddha. I really did everything I thought was right for you. I hope you didn't suffer or hurt.

I miss you every second of the day.

I am taking a BOTB break. I can't tell if I'm bitter, jealous or hurting so it's just best I leave it alone for a while. My heart is so heavy and broken. It's not fair to continue to dump it on them.

I want Buddha back. Even for just a minute. I want to know who he would have grown up to be. Who would he look like? Who's temperament would he have had? I want to feel him kick and move in my belly. I just want it all back.

I want a do over.

1 comment:

Katey said...

I can only imagine how you feel and that knowing that it is nothing you did doesn't undo any of the hurt you feel right now. I hope you are able to find peace with this.