Tuesday, December 8, 2009

28 Week Appt.

It wasn't great news, but it wasn't terrible. I'll start from the beginning.

So the three pounds I had gained (overall)...pretty much gone. I lost 2 pounds. So we are at one pound total for weight gain. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't skinny pre-pregnancy, but I still should have gained more than 1 pound by now. I'm losing weight which is keeping Abbey from gaining appropriately. Which leads to the next issue.

Abbey is pretty small. Her belly is only measuring in the 12% and overall she is in the 32% for babies at her gestational age. Her head, limbs, organs, fluid levels, cord and placenta all look good right now, she just is a little behind, growth wise.

So now the plan is for me to increase my caloric intake and gain some pounds. Every one keeps saying "Load up on ice cream and Chinese!". Uh, yea, that sounds fun, but (1) I don't feel like eating 99% of the time and when I do, it's never much and (2) I want to gain the weight in a healthy way, not by loading up on junk. I'm loading up on complex carbs and protein in an effort to gain weight but to it in a healthy manner.

AND It sounds like I'm having a C-section. O_O

My ovaries are apparently a real mess. My right one, anyway. From the US yesterday she can tell is it practically ruined and would rather me not have it. Apparently "diseased" ovaries are more likely to develop cancerous places on them and what not, so I'm likely better off without it. Lefty is doing ok and is the ovary we triggered from for Abbey, so I guess the right is a dud anyway.

And if Abbey stays small, she would rather deliver her by csec. Smaller babies sometimes don't do as well with vaginal deliveries and a csec i usually less stressful on them.

She said ultimately the decision is mine, but I really trust her and her partner with my care 100%. If they feel this is best for Abbey, I believe them.

Also, they are going to monitor Abbey every 10-14 days to check her growth and monitor my weight gain. If at 37 weeks she is still tiny, they will do an amnio and go ahead and deliver her. IUGR is one of her concerns and she said those babies tend to do better on the outside than in. Babies with IUGR sometimes have genetic issues or have drug addicted mothers and since neither is the case with our Abbey, lack of maternal weight gain is our only answer. She has not been diagnosed with IUGR at this point and we are really hoping to avoid it which makes it even more important for me to pack on some pounds.

This all makes me really sad. I'm a mess. I feel like a total eff up. I can't get pregnant on my own. Now I can't even provide well enough for her on the inside. How am I going to be a good mom when she is on the outside if I can't provide for her now.

But right now I really don't have time for a pity party. All my energy is being focused towards her and making her grow big and strong. Our goal is full term, but ultimately we know God is in control and will watch over us and take care of Abbey.

We really appreciate any prayers you can spare. We want a full term, healthy little girl and I really believe prayers can get us there.



Nlvaden said...

I'm sorry sweety! These things just happen, try your best and that is all you can do. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Jessica said...

I'm sorry! I really hope you can pack on some pounds and Miss Abbey can start gaining some weight. I agree with nlvaden, don't be too hard on yourself- you are trying your very best to do what's right for your little girl.

momqat said...

You, Ben, and Abbey are always in my prayers. Abbey is God's baby and He will care for her.
Right now, we know that she is healthy, although tiny. We know that she has strong little limbs because she dances.....a lot! We know that her heart is strong.
It's easy for anyone to tell you not to worry, none of us are in your shoes. But you know what a destructive emotion worry is and you know where your worry belongs. Trust in the One who gave Abbey to you. He will be there.

Mrs. MidAtlantic said...

Focus on the positives - you're going to have a perfect baby, no matter what size she is. And you can totally gain more weight!

It's best not to worry about things you can't control. So for now, just start on those protein shakes!

Amanda Hoyt said...

I am just now reading this post but have been praying all week for you since reading your FB posts. You have not effed up and you are going to be a wonderful mommy to Abbey!! You already are a great mommy because of all this worry you are doing on her behalf - it shows you care :) I know how much you are going to worry (you sound so much like me! :)) so it's easier said than done, but leave it up to God - he will ultimately take care of Abbey's weight gain and she will come out healthy - I can FEEL it :)
Hugs and many many prayers, my friend!