Sunday, January 4, 2009

2009: The Year of Miracles

As I have said before, my uncle Thom said 2009 would be the year of miracles and I am so excited to see what this year has in store for me and Ben and our families.

We went to Outback for dinner last night (Thanks for the gift card, Johnna!) and we both drank too much (ok, I drank too much) and had a great meal. We just talked and laughed and it was almost like we were our old selves. It was just really nice. Then we walked around the mall and headed home for the night and like true twenty somethings, we went to bed at 9pm.

As for our quest for another baby, Ben and I decided to take a break from actively trying this cycle. I am using OPK's every now and then, but not like I should and we are still...enjoying each others company if ya know what I mean (my mom reads this blog...I don't want to humiliate her!), but other than that we are just enjoying our time together and my break from school. I have honestly not missed charting. Waking up at 7am, every day of the mother effing week gets old and I tend to obsess over my chart at times so I welcomed this break.
Part of me is so excited to get pregnant again and have the baby we were meant to have. But the other 49% of me has been so scared. What if it happens again? The first lost was so hard and devastating. I really don't think you will ever understand it unless you went through one yourself. I think the first one was so hard because we didn't see it coming. At least if it does happen again, I will know what to expect...right?
I have spent a long time praying about the whole thing and asking God to bless us (again) with another baby and to see us through a 40 week pregnancy. After spending a long time last week talking to God on my way home from work I had this in my email inbox from a great blog reader (Thanks, you know who you are!) and it really reframed my focus:

The will of God will never take you to where the grace of God cannot protect you
My desire for a baby of my own is stronger than my fear of another loss

" Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths" Proverbs 3:5-6

It's exactly what I needed to hear at exactly that moment. It's funny how prayers are answered sometimes.

So here's to 2009. We learned a lot in 2008 and have come so far as a couple. Hopefully this year has some amazing blessings in store for us :)


momqat said...

I'm starting out the year by studying the book of Job. I want to learn about his response to all of the troubles he had. By studying his reaction, I'm hoping to gain insight into my own way of reacting to struggles.
2009 will be a wonderful year. It will not be without problems, but it will be full of joy. I'll be there for you and your brothers every step of the way.
Luv ya!

AmandaHoyt said...

Wow, great post, Cate. I am praying for you and Ben.
Many hugs and prayers,