Monday, January 26, 2009

I need to get this off my chest- Part II

This post is NOT related to the post below, people just seem to be really good at pissing me off lately. Said people may read this blog, they may not and to be just about as plain and crystal clear as I can be- I don't give a flying rats ass if they do read this. This is my blog, my place to enter my thoughts therefore I have the right to say pretty much whatever the hell I feel like saying.

Be forewarned, I am about three steps past LIVID right now, so my language may get a little....colorful. If that offends you, I am sorry but you should probably stop reading now. Don't email me saying "I can't believe you dropped the F-bomb." because believe me, it is going to happen.

Let me start by saying unless you have been through difficulty TTC or unless you have been through a miscarriage, then don't talk to me like you know what the eff it's like.

Unless you are active in my life and I come to YOU wanting to talk about IF/TTC/MC, then don't mention it to me. If you can't control yourself and HAVE to say something, just say "I am praying for you guys. I am sure what you are dealing with is difficult." And if you are a (wo)man of few words "I am praying for you guys." is also acceptable. Being that you claim to be a Christian, this shouldn't be something hard for you to do.

I already feel like I am under enough fucking pressure from myself to get pregnant. To go month after month after month of testing and trying and praying and crying just to get that negative pregnancy test or a visit from dear Aunt Flo is heart breaking. You have NO idea unless you have been there. NONE. And honestly, I wish you did have just a fraction of an idea what it is like. THEN you might be a little more compassionate and empathetic towards me and Ben and our quest for a baby. Ben has NEVER put the pressure on me. The decisions to test and try are mine, he adds his input when I ask for it, but he has NEVER made a comment to be about how he needs to make his mother a grandmother.
My mother nor Ben's mother have EVER said anything about us making them a grandmother. My mom knows about our struggles and Ben's mom has a general idea of what is going on, so they don't press the issue. They respect how hard and trying it is on us. They know their silent support and prayers are enough for us.

And really, if you want to be honest about it all, Ben and I are parents, our parents are grandparents. Again, if you are the Christian you claim to be, you believe life begins at conception.

I honestly can't believe I had to write this entry. I really can't. I really thought I have been pretty throrough in explain what to say and what not to say and what it is like to be in my shoes and what the heartbreak is like here, here, followed by dissapointment here, here, very obvious entry here, here, etc. I could link back through my blog for days. The point being, almost every post I have made has been about our story and our struggles, the high points and the lows. This blog is known for being honest and straight forward and I have always tried to give an insight to what it is like to be me and in my shoes- ALL in an effort to make people realize how common these issues are and how to treat them and how to talk to people about them.

So, yea. It was a HUGE slap in the face for someone to tell me to hurry up and make my MIL a grandmother. It hurt. I sobbed. Ben was pissed. So whether that was a poorly delivered joke or a spiteful statement, it doesn't matter. It was 100% insensitive and out of line. If you knew for a fraction of a second how hard this is, you would have never said that. If you knew how hard that hit my heart and how it felt like I just got kicked in the stomach, you wouldn' shouldn't have said that. Maybe you would be honest, I really don't know. You have never been very nice to me, always condescending and snide, so you may have said it to be hateful. Who knows.

And that is my soapbox post for the week. Think about what you say to people. You never know(...wait...I take that DO know because I know you read this blog) what the other person is going through.

(I'm proud of myself. I kept the F Bombs under control. Go Me!)


momqat said...

Yes, you are a mom. I am a grandma. Your worth, and Ben's, have nothing to do with any children you bring into our family. I love you both because of the people you are. You will always be my little Catiebug!
Luv ya!

Danse said...

I'm disappointed in your lack of F bombs. I kept reading, waiting for one ;oP

Anyway, I just wanted to offer hugs. I'm sorry someone said that to you. Sometimes it seems that people put 0 thought into what they say and how it can effect others.

AmandaHoyt said...

I'm so sorry you had hear that from someone. That was very hurtful and insensitive.
You are a mommy and I pray for you each day.
Hugs and prayers,

Cate said...

Thank you all for your support. I am really trying to be the bigger person, but this woman is really trying me. Apparently it's not okay to talk about difficulty in trying to get pregnant or the loss of a child.