Sunday, March 22, 2009

Nothing makes me feel better....

than to look at my report from the radiologist who read my u/s from last week and see


stamped across the top. Man, that will lift your spirits.

(I hope you can read that through all the sarcasm)

And in other news, my younger brother has gotten his ex-girlfriend pregnant. How awesome is that! I won't mention that neither one of them has a college degree, or is even close to obtaining one, they can not financially afford to keep themselves afloat, much less an infant, neither one of them makes more than $7 an hour, neither one of them has a car or the fact that they are in an verbally, emotionally and physically (on her part, my brother has never laid a hand on her) abusive relationship. Oh wait. I said I wouldn't mention that. Owell, I lie sometimes.
According to my calculations, she is ~11 weeks or so. There is a small majority of us who think she is making it all up (me included). I dare her to cry miscarriage. At this point she would require a D&C/D&E. I know some college girls think it is cute to claim pregnancy and then have a "miscarriage" later on, just to add a little drama and spice to their life, but I don't think that is cute or funny. Miscarriages are nothing to be taken lightly and, speaking from personal experience, are something no one should ever want to pretend to go through.

So, as you can assume, I did not take the news well. Why would I? This is a total slap in the face to our family. Totally, 100% unacceptable to have a baby with someone you are not married to. The rules were crystal clear.

-Don't call us from jail.
-Don't get pregnant/get someone else pregnant if you aren't married to them.
-Remember who you belong to.

Two of us had no problem with those rules. One of us seems to have an issue with comprehension.

So I was also called bitter and jealous.

You're damn right. You win.

We have a nice house, nice cars, no debt, college degrees, full time jobs, money in savings, etc, yet we are dealing with infertility. So I am allowed to be bitter and jealous for 10 minutes. I am allowed to be mad for 10 minutes. I am allowed the time to process everything and be royally pissed off. Sorry you don't feel that I am owed that.

But now, almost a week after the bomb was dropped, our family is still divided and the two people who are responsible for this shit storm (my brother and the psycho) are sitting back watching us take sides.

Here's my side.

I am thankful I am not in their situation. I am thankful that we will never have to be ashamed to tell our parents we are expecting. I am thankful that a baby will not be something we will need to be ashamed of. I am thankful we will be able to provide for our child, emotionally, physically and financially together. I am thankful I will never have to worry about the other parent stripping my rights away to see my child, yet still be stuck paying child support. I am thankful that the day our child is born will be a happy one. I am thankful that I am on this side of the drama.

Best of luck to both of them. I wish them nothing but the best. I hope they know how hard this is going to be in and on every aspect of their lives, but it has the potential to also be one of the best times. It's time to grow up now. The days of going to bars and parties are over. Going out to dinner and the movies (if you can afford it) will be few and far between and will require a babysitter. They have made a very grown up bed. Now it's time to lie in it.


(PS-If there are any rude, judgmental comments left on this entry, I will shut them all down.)


momqat said...

i know that you have disowned me since this hit the fan. please allow me to present my side.
1. this was an incredibly careless thing to do on both their parts. i warned elliott about girls who pull the "pregnant line" to trap a guy. i will pay for a DNA test when this child is born.
2. families support each other in a time of crisis. they do not leave someone else homeless. they do not disown people. there are no sides, no winners in this situation.
3. none of us is in a place to judge others. Jesus told us that we should not judge unless we are willing to be judged.
4. i have learned a lot from Ma. she had no college education (as Pop said "You can have more degrees than a farenheit thermometer, that doesn't make you smart!"), but she is wiser than most people i know. i plan to treat every one civilly. it's the best way to be.
5. because i chose to support my child in a time of crisis, as i have done with each of my children, i am no longer spoken to by anyone except et. i don't even know if i am wanted in my home. you are welcome to delete all of this. i will understand. you said that you don't like me, you don't want to see me/hear from me/speak to me ever again and i will honor that from here on. my heart is broken, but i'll be ok eventually.

Cate said...

1. I never disowned anyone or left anyone homeless. I told ET he needed to get out of my house until I calmed down. Ben and I both gave him multiple offers to come back in, all of which he denied.

2. You should not be responsible for anything financially, esp a DNA test, following the birth. This is their baby. It's time for them to grow up and pay for their choices.

3. The era that Ma grew up in and the era that we are growing up in are vastly different. You yourself have said your opportunities are greatly limited today with out a college degree.

4. I am mad at you because you took information that I told you in confidence and a time in my life when our worlds were falling apart in our hands and threw it back in my face and used it against me. You have said things about me that at this time I feel are 100% inexcusable. Just as I needed time with Elliott to cool off, I need that same time from you.

5. I texted him on Friday to see if he needed a ride to his classes on Saturday. He never texted me back. The ball is in his court.

6. This all could have been handled privately via email.

momqat said...

you can have all the time you need to cool off. did the thought occur to you that you might have said some hurtful things to elliott, too? he has not contacted you because he is convinced that you don't want anymore to do with him.
you will not hear from me again, i promise.

Cate said...

Okie dokie.
Poor, poor ET. I'm used to this song and dance. He is of course he is not at fault here. How was he to know that sex with no condom could get someone pregnant?

And again, this all could have been handled via email. But whatevs.

*Amy Leigh* said...

I am very sorry for everything you are going through right now...everything. I am praying for you and Ben and your family.

If you wanna meet for a bite to eat or coffee for something, just let me know...I know sometimes it's good to talk to someone that is not involved in the situation. Just a suggestion...

CVCurry said...

Okay, I see I get thrown into the pile AGAIN. My phone works, and I'm open to all callers, mom, dad, sister, brother, friends, EVERYONE- except when I go to work, and even then, if it's an emergency, text me and tell me so, and you better believe I'll get to you. Myself, Cate, and Elliott have all been of adult age for at least four years, and every decision made from that point forward is that of an adult. I think the anger is gone. Me personally? It was never there. I'm a happy dude right now. To hold onto anything is to dwell in negativity. The sooner we all move on, the better off we all will be. In the words of the awesome 311, "BE POSITIVE AND LOVE YOUR LIFE!!!"

Cate said...

I've talked to you twice today, butthole.

Danse said...

I'm sorry, I'm sure this is just really, really hard to process, esp. dealing with IF. I know it's hard, I've been there.

But, I hope this doesn't offend you, but I had to say it. Please, while I know this is hard for you - try to be good to the child. I was the result of a very similar situation and you know what? I know the family was up in arms and didn't want me. It's a horrible feeling to have growing up. But, my parents weren't ashamed of me. I realize how upsetting this is for you, I do. But this isn't the baby's fault.

Cate said...

Hm. I don't remember saying I was going to be horrible to the child. I must have missed that.

CVCurry said...

I think we're all on the same page as far as the child is concerned. I feel sorry for this kid for several reasons. One, it is coming into the world to two people who are not qualified to take care of a child, financially and otherwise, the maturity is just not there. Second, there is a good possiblity this child will have a disability due to many factors of which I won't go into here. That makes it a prisoner for it's entire life, and that is not fair to the child, especially when it didn't have to happen. I would never hate a kid who had no choice in the matter of being brought into the world. But I don't have to like it's mother. And I'm sure I never would. Just not the kind of person I would want in my life. I see where Cate's coming from in a lot of this, and I know there is a sting to a lot of it too. But I know that she's moving on, attempting to open up the lines of communication to ETC, and I'm sure everything else will come around eventually as well... Peace out homies...

Sweetfrogy said...

How the child will be treated once it is here is irrelevant. Right now, it's not even about the baby, it's about your image of who your brother is, being completely shattered. You have every right to feel hurt/angry/jealous/disappointed towards someone who you have known all of your life and thought you "knew". It's hard when someone turns out to be the type of person that you've always prided yourself on not being. It's hard to watch your image of someone be shattered.